Meet Rula Tsimiklis, mother of Gellibrand client Victoria. The pair maintain their sense of humour and thankfulness despite life’s challenges.
Rula was immediately thankful to find out that Gellibrand wanted to write a Mother’s Day article about a mother of a child with a disability.
“Some people have a perception of disability, based on those they may see at a shopping centre, but they don’t really know how it is for the parents or for the person receiving the support,” Rula said.
Victoria is 35 and has been a Gellibrand client since before the introduction of the NDIS. She has intellectual and physical disabilities and Rula said she still supports Victoria with her daily needs in the same way she did when Victoria was a small child.
“Sometimes I feel very exhausted because Victoria’s needs are quite high,” she said, adding that her daughter needs support with all her daily personal care.
Rula was married for many years and she also has an adult son, but she and Victoria don’t see the rest of the family now. It’s a situation Rula said is probably “for the best for all”.
“It’s just easier for both Victoria and I with the way we have structured things. Some people just can’t cope with disability and that’s okay. We tried and tried, but it just wasn’t working.”
The support Rula and Victoria receive from Gellibrand is a vital part of life for them. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, Victoria goes out for four hours with a Gellibrand support worker. Victoria has the opportunity to exercise, go into the city, do arts and crafts, and she volunteers at Helping Hands Mission.
“She’s in charge of the costume section, which is right up her alley,” Rula said, adding that Victoria loves her Gellibrand support workers. “The four hours for me is also amazing. It helps me just get my breath and do things I need to do when she’s not requiring my immediate attention.”
Rula has worked with children who have special needs and, despite the challenges she and Victoria face together, she knows others have even bigger challenges.
“I’m thankful she doesn’t have any behaviours like running around or being physically aggressive, which are much more challenging for parents and carers.”
Mother’s Day is a day of celebration for many, but for mothers of children with a disability there can be mixed feelings. Year round, Rula said she experiences what she calls “silent grief”.
“Every now and again I feel sad thinking we’re never going to go out shopping together like other mothers and daughters. I don’t think she’s even going to leave home, let alone meet somebody. I’m never going to see her with a boyfriend or in a wedding dress. But that’s okay. We embrace who we are and what we have.”
Rula said that despite that grief, neither she nor Victoria wallow in a victim mentality. They share a strong sense of humour that helps them cope with their everyday experiences.
“If Victoria says she can’t do something, I’ll say, ‘Oh no, you’re not going to play the disability card with me.’ Then she’ll say, ‘But Mum, I am disabled!’ and we will both have a laugh. She supports me by being silly and I support her by laughing. That’s how we get through.”
Rula added that Victoria is a “beautiful and amazing young lady.”
“She means the world to me and I am proud she calls me Mum. Happy Mother’s Day to all!”
